I’m not a big fan of pain. A certain amount of discomfort is good for bragging rights. Beyond that point and it’s annoying. I’m at that point. I haven’t been able to work out for several days due to pain in my right hip, left elbow, and lower back.
The fifteenth degree black belt who has been training me says that I am out of balance. He means that physically, mentally, and spiritually—which doesn’t mean I get to let up, just that I have more to work on. One of my recurring problems is lower body injuries—knees, back, feet. Next month I’m going to get my boots redone, giving me better support. I may pick up a new set of casual shoes. I’m tired of being slightly injured. It’s just enough to make me think twice about serious exercise but not enough to get me to the doctor. I keep running into this cyclical issue. I have to lose weight to deal with my joint problems. To lose weight I need to exercise. Exercising regularly seems to aggravate my issues…AAARRRGGG! It would be nice if more of my problems were ones I could address without having to spend yet more money on “things.”
Which is the other thing. 2013 was the year of “stuff.” I bought a lot of things—some as rewards for achievements and some because I genuinely needed them. This year is going to be less about stuff and more about me. I need to regain a measure of mental peace and strength. I feel as if material “stuff” has become a disproportionately large focus lately—which would be fine if it was due to a pressing need rather than materialistic urges. Some of the things I genuinely need to spend money on:
• Updating my footwear which is currently more than a year and a half old and seriously wearing out.
• Getting some of the foot treatment systems I’ve seen to better address some of my issues.
• Finish up the Chris reeve project.
• Finish up the perfect pocket pistol project.
• Get a new bed.
• Get the brunette a table so we can start individually setting up our work spaces.
That is a lot of money, but those are the projects and “things” that need to be done. There are lots of other things I “want” to do. Even so, I think I’m better off focusing on those few.
I’m back to 286 pounds. It’s become clear to me that while I maintained over the holidays…I let some good habits go. I also got used to a certain intake based on a certain level of exercise. So, I’m cutting back on the intake until I can get back to exercising again. If I can’t exercise, I don’t need to eat as much. Yesterday we ate out. I had my pre-set order from taco bell less than 400 calories. It was a small thing; but one that proved to me that I can still make good choices.
I’m not saying this very well. I think that most of living well is training your mind to make the right choices. Part of that is dealing with the pidly physical crap that weakens you. There is a direct parallel in my life between my desire to acquire stuff and a weakening of my will to intake less—eat more, want more. So I’m going to work on the pidly stuff now rather than focusing on things. I’m going to start fresh. That’s not a resolution exactly—more of a new understanding.